This topic comes up all the time and I don't mind sharing some ideas to help you thru this. I wrote this article a while back when a friend was experiencing an unpleasant dance night. This actually happens everywhere there are dances. I have this discussion mostly with the ladies. It seems like it affects them more than the men.
One item not mentioned below is FAMILIARITY. This is know people at the dance venue. If you SELDOM go dancing, just once in a blue moon, you will feel alone at a dance venue. You do not know anyone. Most people like to dance with people they know. That is just human nature. The more times you go out dancing, you will meet more people. Then as time goes by you will have better dance nights. You will have more "dance partners".
One more item not mentioned is just the pure numbers alone. When a dance venue has MORE WOMEN than men, this means that all the men are on the dance floor. Then the ladies will have to be quick in asking a man to dance or else she will be sitting all night long.
One thing though that WILL happen (mind you I am not a fan of this. I truly do not like it.) is "CLIQUES" - this is a phenomenon when people just dance with their little circle of friends and not with others. This, in my opinion, creates a very bad taste for any dance scene.This is were the "salsa snob" is created. I personally encourage my students to dance with anyone and everyone. To me, by dancing with everybody enhances your skills and you meet more people. Your increase your 'dance partners' pool. CLIQUES will happen. It is an ugly thing in the dance world. If you can avoid this personally, please do. It doesn't help the dance scene at all.
Below is the article I wrote a while back. Please do check it out. It just might help you. Please share this with all the dancers you know. It just might enlighten them or they could help others.
Salsa at Bar 109.
POSITIVE DANCE IMAGE (PDI) or DANCE APPROACHABILITY PROJECTION (DAP)
This article is an attempt to shed some light on a topic I discuss frequently with ladies. The question I get asked a lot is "Why men do not ask me to dance?". That is a very loaded question. To me, the answer revolves around PDI or DAP.
What is PDI (Positive Dance Image) or DAP (Dance Approachability Projection) ?
PDI is an acronym coined by a friend of mine (his name is Kurt). I asked him if I could use
this to share with you. According to him, Positive Dance Image (PDI) is your projection of
your willingness to dance. In essence it is your Dance Approachability Projection or DAP.
According to Kurt "The concept of PDI is to show others you are indeed a person who likes
to dance and is approachable." There is some validity to this. Looking from a man's point of
view, it is less scary to approach a lady that has PDI (Positive Dance Image) than one that
has a grouchy look on her face. If a lady has good DAP (Dance Approachability Projection)
she will be dancing a lot more compared to one that stands behind the scene and pouts or
We can learn from nature about PDI or DAP. Remember it is about perception and
projection. When male birds are trying to attract a female they show their best pose and
show their colors. They want to be PERCEIVED as the best as they PROJECT their colors
I would like to bring out this point to help the ladies understand one reason why guys do not
approach ladies with no PDI or bad DAP. Men (in general) do not handle rejection well. So
to avoid that feeling of rejection, guys will generally AVOID women that are PERCEIVED
as unapproachable. The fear of rejection is real. It does take a lot of guts for a man to ask a
lady to dance.
So ladies, here are a few tips to help you to get men (and/or more men) to ask you to dance
(REMEMBER: Projection & Perception):
SMILE = This doesn't mean you must smile EVERY second. Look at people and smile
every so often. PROJECT a friendly aura. When guys see you smiling, he will not be afraid to
DO NOT STAND WITH ARMS CROSSED = This is a sure sign that you are not
interested in dancing at all. Combine this with a frown and you will not be approached.
MOVE TO THE BEAT = Do this while you are positioned by the dance floor area or even
when talking to your friends. Guys will notice this and you will be approached.
APPEAR TO BE HAVING FUN = This should be a given. If you appear to be having fun,
men will ask you to dance. There is no doubt here.
STAND NEAR THE DANCE FLOOR = Do not hide away in the back. Men look for
people to dance with. Present yourself. Follow the suggestions above while standing near the
GRAB A FRIEND TO DANCE WITH = This works well for both men and women
specially if you are new to the club. Of course you cannot do this if you go alone. The
concept is to PRESENT yourself. You like to dance. Dance a few songs (2-3) with your
friend and while dancing SHOW YOU ARE ENJOYING THE DANCE AND HAVING
FUN. (Perception & Projection)
GO ASK A MAN TO DANCE = This is hard for some ladies to do BUT if you do this a
few times (2-3) that same night other men will see that you just want to dance and you will be
asked more. It is all about the dance and nothing more.
AT ALL COST AVOID LOOKING GROUCHY, MEAN OR UNFRIENDLY = If you
want to stand at the club all night long, just look unfriendly (frowning is not good). You will
not get approached.
IF YOU ARE NOT UP FOR DANCING, STAY HOME! = I know this sounds very
dramatic but it makes sense. If you go to the club and are not really into it, do not complain
you didn't get asked to dance. Stay home, regroup, then go out the next time. Get your grove
SHOW CONFIDENCE = There is nothing more attractive than showing your are confident
in yourself. It doesn't matter if you are a beginner or a professional. Show you are confident
in yourself and all you want to do is DANCE! This is a MAJOR signal in my opinion.
These simple suggestions will go a long way. It is all about YOUR PROJECTION and
HOW YOU ARE PERCEIVED.
Good luck out there and have FUN! I hope to see you at a nearby dance floor!
KEEP LEARNING, KEEP DANCING, KEEP SPREADING THE LOVE FOR SALSA!
Author: John "salseroblanko" Morey - SALSA SPECIALIST